There is a lot of talk about breastfeeding as a new mom.
Questions like, "How is your baby breastfeeding? Did he/she have any problems with latching? How often does your baby feed?" You may notice that the questions are usually about baby, and not how mother's may be doing with it.
Just like every woman has their own birth story, each will have their own experience with breastfeeding as well. I think it's important to nurture conversations with mother's about their postpartum health and how they are coping with things such as breastfeeding, so as part of the Honest Company's Judgement-free feeding campaign, I'm sharing my personal experience with breastfeeding.
I grew up in a community where breastfeeding is "the norm", and women sit together in a room and have conversations over tea while breastfeeding their child. Being the private person that I am, the thought of having to do this when I became a mother was anxiety inducing (and still is). Would I have to become one of those women, sitting on the couch socializing with her boob out for everyone to see?! I feel like our society puts so much pressure on mother's to "be free" because breastfeeding is natural and should just be this amazing experience for mother and baby, and shouldn't need to be covered up or confined to a private room. But what if I am just not that kind of woman? What if I want my privacy and alone time with my baby while breastfeeding? 

Breastfeeding has brought out so many different emotions for me. To be completely honest, it was a part of motherhood I really wasn't looking forward to from the beginning. I know the benefits it has for baby (and mom), so it was never really a question as to whether or not I would do it, I just wasn't really looking forward to having a baby hanging off of my breast for the next 6-12 months. In a way, I was dreading it.

That first day and night in the hospital everything went pretty well, and I was feeling pretty good about the whole breastfeeding thing. The next few days, my nipples became very raw, were bleeding, and I couldn't even face the water in the shower because I was in so much pain. I remember texting a friend, "when will it stop feeling like my nipples are being murdered every time my baby feeds?!". I knew it was normal, so continued to push through the pain. 

The day my milk came in was horrible! It happened overnight, so I woke up at 5am to engorged breasts and my baby was unable to latch. She was hungry and crying, and I was in pain and didn't know what to do. I sat in bed with a manual pump, and was able to pump a bottle for her and get some relief for myself. That day was our first doctor's appointment, so thankfully I could speak with her about what to do with my insanely engorged breasts. We decided to head straight to the store afterward to buy an electric breast pump, and it was the best decision we could have made! We got home and my husband set it all up for me, and I sat on the couch getting milked like a cow. I remember sitting there with tears streaming down my cheeks, partly from hormones and also just thankful to be getting relief after hours of pain and distress. I figured if I could get through that day, I could do this.

I have had a few episodes of blocked milk ducts due to an overabundant milk supply (according to the telehealth nurse), and I've had days where I wanted to throw in the towel, but I've managed to keep pushing through. My daughter is now 3 months old and I can say that I am finally feeling more confident and okay with breastfeeding. It's still not something that I really enjoy, but I am carving my own way as a woman and mother.

Breastfeeding doesn't come with a manual that you can follow. Though there are tons of books you can read, classes to attend, and lactation specialists to see, your body and baby are unique and each mother has to choose what works best for her and baby.

My husband and I both wanted to have a baby after about 2 years of being married, but we both agreed that we wanted to be more established and feel financially ready to raise a child. Meanwhile, we were feeling a lot of pressure from the "outside world" to start a family which was really hard because it's not that we didn't want kids, we just weren't ready.


Another year went by and we had moved out of our apartment and into a house. I was so excited for this move because I thought that since we had the space and I was off of birth control, a baby was sure to follow. A few days before our 3 year wedding anniversary I had minor day surgery (on my lady parts), and that meant I needed some time to heal. So we waited some more, but not by choice. I was feeling like our time would never come, and it was really starting to affect me mentally and emotionally, so I took up running and decided to just focus on myself and getting healthy. So we took the "let's just let it happen" approach.  

 
We decided that since it wasn't "just happening", we would really focus on trying to get pregnant. Man is that ever stressful! It became all about schedules and tracking numbers, and then that awful 2 week waiting period until I could take a pregnancy test. After 6 months of stress about not getting pregnant, I got the shingles virus. Weeks of sickness followed, which turned into months, and eventually it was 6 months before I started to feel better. During that time of countless blood tests and Dr.'s visits, I found out I had a thyroid disease (the thyroid produces and regulates all of your hormones), which was likely affecting my ability to get pregnant. I started seeing an Endocrinologist as well as a Naturopath, and I was finally able to start medication and be proactive about getting my health back on track. 
During those couple of years of desperately wanting a baby, I was angry with God. I didn't understand why He would put this desire in my heart if I couldn't have children. I felt embarrassed, angry, sad, and lonely. I was bitter toward others who were having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th child and here we were, with none.
But then I realized that maybe He had another plan for us, and I needed to be open to that. So I began to change my prayers, and ask God how He wanted make us parents. 

In January my husband and I started talking about adoption or foster care as an option. We have always known that we wanted to welcome a child(ren) into our family that needed to be loved, but didn't know if the timing was right. In June when I wrote about being at peace with whatever happened, I had truly accepted the fact that I may never have a biological child, and I was learning to be ok with it. I reconciled with God and was looking forward to whatever He had in store for us. June 26, 2016, I found out I was pregnant!

The thing that has amazed me in all of this hardship, is how God's plan, not our own, really came together. When we started sharing the news that we were pregnant, it was a very emotional time for me. So many people said that they had read my blog post and had been praying for us and for our future baby. Wow! It made me realize more and more that this was not by our own doing, but truly a miracle from God.

Everyone's situation is different, and though the timing is sometimes hard to understand or accept, God has a plan much better than our own. Looking back now, I can see that. 

If you are struggling to get pregnant or are going through something in your life that is preventing you from having children, there are tons of resources out there to support you. I am no expert, but if you do need a listening ear I am always here to listen. 
Feel free to email me littleredpurse.blog@gmail.com.

I remember seeing the embroidery trend come down the runway last Spring, and have loved it ever since. It always takes a little time for trends to make it to the consumer market, and I'm sure glad it has in time for Spring. There are so many beautiful pieces to choose from, and I love that even a pair of jeans or basic grey sweatshirt can come alive with embroidery. (I love that cat purse btw!)



Check out how these ladies styled this trend.

The weather can be temperamental at this time of year, so I love layering a bunch of neutral pieces to create visual interest. Usually when I think of neutrals, it's black, white, and grey, but I love how this printed dress can work just as well as a neutral base to build off of.

Spring is a time of blossoming trees and new growth, so this Lemon trend is right on queue. I love the playfulness of this bold print, and the variety of ways you can wear it.



Here's a glimpse at some ladies sporting this trend perfectly.

If you're looking to add a little colour into your wardrobe, now is the time! With this cold and dreary weather lately, adding a pop of pink is the perfect way to brighten your day.


Take notes from these stylish ladies...