Let's be honest

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Many bloggers tend to share the fun and exciting events in their life through their blog. A family vacation, daily outfits, or a house tour. But what about the other half of your life? What about the messy bedroom you sleep in every night, the overgrown grass that you don't have time for, or the personal struggle that you are dealing with? It's easy to hide behind a seemingly perfect mask, but today, I want to share a piece of my real life with you.

You have seen the wedding photos, and the showers etc. with all of those big happy smiling faces...but what you don't know, is that I struggle with minor depression. It's something that very few people know about me. Not even some of my own family. Sometimes it's just easier that way. But I have felt like God put this struggle in my life for a reason, and I don't want to disregard that tug on my heart to share my story with you.
Over the past few years, there have been many events in my life that have shaped the person I am today. Moving away from home to go to University, having a terrible roommate which in turn made me hate school, moving back home and switching schools, missing my bf who was now long distance, and the list goes on. Growing up can be hard. As a teenager and young adult, there are so many decisions to be made and no time to discover who you really are or want to be. We let our parents, or friends, or even the media dictate so many things for us and we get lost in the middle of it all. Let me tell you, it can be confusing.

I had this nagging little feeling inside of me. I didn't know why. It would come and go so it was easy to ignore. It was easy to say, oh I am just tired from being a busy student, oh I am just sad because I miss my bf or my family, oh I am just having a bad day. It wasn't until recently, that I was watching a documentary on depression. Everything clicked. Everything made sense. It scared me to death to hear what these people were saying, because I could relate so well. It was also a sense of relief.

The scary and most frustrating part, is that depression will just sneak up on you. You can be anywhere, having a great time and it will just drop on top of you like a water bomb. You know that feeling when you are just shocked at first, and you stand there not sure what to do because you are dripping wet. You aren't sure whether to laugh or cry or just run away so it can't hit you again. It is hard to describe, because a lot of times, you don't even know how you are feeling or you are just void of any emotion at all. Some people cry a lot, some people sleep a lot, others overeat or don't eat at all. It's different for everyone, but the important thing for anyone who is struggling with depression, is to be surrounded by people who love you unconditionally. People who don't need answers, who can look at you and see you are suffering and stand by you through it all, who will just hold you tight without saying a word. I am blessed to have those people in my life and I know that I can make it through each day because I have them behind me and my God before me.

If you are struggling with anything, don't be afraid to tell someone. Let them be your support, and love you through it.

11 Comments »

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11 Responses to “Let's be honest”

  1. thanks for sharing this. it's so hard to tell whether you're just feeling depressed or suffering from depression. i can definitely relate to how you feel because i feel like i often go through the same feelings.

    on a happy note, congrats on the wedding. you looked beautiful!

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  2. love the real-honest-ness of this post! that's life. It's messy and imperfect, and somehow out of that comes something beautiful and redemptive! Keep on the journey you're on, the best is yet to come! xoxo

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  3. Big hugs!
    I had a depression for about 6 years. I had bad health problems since I was 7 years old till 20 years and than in my tteenager years I had depression, because of all those problems.Now I'm happy, because those days when I feel really tired and don't want anything (you know what I mean) are very, very, very, very rarely. My bf can't imagine that I had something like depression, because everyone knows me by my smile and positive thinking. But believe me I remember those bad days, so I try to enjoy every good day.
    You are so strong and you can do everything, just believe!!! You are not alone!

    xoxo Ra

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  4. So well said Lee! I love you and hope you will continue to reach out and share your heart to others and God.
    You are an awesome and talented person.
    Big Hugs.

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  5. Thanks for your honesty. I can't fully grasp probably how hard it must be to struggle with depression, as I haven't had to go trough it myself, but I know some people in my close circle that suffer from it as well. I am glad that you have loving people in your life that help you take on one day after another and I hope you will keep your head high and believe in yourself no matter what. You are beautiful inside and out!

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  6. I can so relate to this. Good for you for stepping up and letting it out. So glad you're in a good place with your new husband :)

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  7. I am glad you had the courage to share this...and that you are surrounded by a wonderful family that helps you through it all.

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  8. Leah, I am impressed by your honesty and saddened that I didn't know (you know I do keep up with your blog - just in big spurts every few weeks). I am so impressed by what a beautiful person you have grown up to be both inside and out and this 'confession' makes it more so. It is great for you to allow others to know your personal story and it can potentially give others the courage to share their own struggles. Love and hugs 'Auntie' Ang

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  9. Thank you so much everyone for your support. It's scary to make yourself Vulnerable, but I hope it will give others the courage to speak up as well.

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  10. I know exactly how you feel. I've struggled with depression before although I don't want to call it that now. I think everyone goes through bad things and that's just the way you have to look at it. My freshman year of college was also hard on me, probably the hardest year! But things got better. Don't worry girl, stay positive :)

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